Heart Carve

Bishop told a true story in fast and testimony meeting a couple months ago that I have fallen in love with ever since. Background to this story: very few people own cars.

This bishop was fortunate enough to purchase a car. No doubt with a loan, a lot of hard work, and even more pennies pinched (to work for the church you get paid $1.00/hour and that's a good job) He was so excited he drove his car home to his family. A couple days later he heard a noise -- one that he had never heard before -- a loud scratching noise. He wasn't bothered by it and kept about his doings..but the noise didn't stop. He went to find the source and found his son scratching into the side of his newly purchased car. Furiated, he started to yell at his son. All his hard work, and even more the car wasn't even payed off yet. He spanked him and sent his crying son into the house. Only after his anger he surveyed the damage. To his astonishment, the son had carved into the car, "Dad, I love you." (Ngai I tangiriko Tamau)

He was humbled. His son only wanted him to forever remind him that he was loved.

This is just about my feelings with my mission right now. Heavenly Father has taken me and carved into my heart that He loves me. But it's come with a little pain, a little disfiguration, and I've often felt like that Bishop who's first reaction was to be angry. In all honesty this mission is really hard. I laughed when I read Alex Morris's letter to me, "Most people are pretty surprised how hard missions are.." complimented with Dad's statement, "the increasing gap between what you thought a mission would be and what you are actually experiencing only grows." Aaaamen.

I guess what I'm trying to get at..is that we don't know the meaning of all things...or why we change..or why anything else. But I know from 3 Nephi 10 that before the Savior came..the land was changed..not just rearranged, but changed. Permanently. So great was the change that, "the land became deformed" and "great was the change of the land" and only then were the people prepared to be greeted by the Savior. But it's those moments right before the Savior comes..the destruction, and the deformation, the "carvings" that's hard to see the meanings for...but there is meaning.

Anyway. Thanks for listening as I work to figure out who I am as a missionary, and why hard things happen, and all those others things that I question and wrestle with. I don't have it all figured out, but writing home helps me see that I'm getting there because I share a little of what I've learned. So thanks for listening fam-bam. You all mean the world to me.

Yours Forever,
Sister J